Jokes corner!!!!!! come with yours…………>Enjoy this!!!!!

Mfisto!!

1. Mfisto is buying a TV at HiFi and asks “Do you have colour TVs?” Sure.” says the assistant. Mfisto replies “Give me a green one, please.”

2. Mfisto calls Air Botswana. “How long does it take to fly to Nata?”  “Just a sec,” says the rep. “Thank you.” says Mfisto and hangs up.

 3. Mfisto was filling in an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column Salary Expected: He was not sure as to what to be filled here. After much thought he wrote Yes!

4. Mfisto goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, “What is that shiny object?” The clerk replies, “That is a thermos.” He then asks, “What does it do?” The clerk responds, “It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold.” Mfisto says,

“I’ll take it!” The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos.

His boss, Mr. Pheto Sees him and asks, “What is that shiny object you have?” He said,

“It’s a thermos.” The boss then says, “What does it do?” He replies,”It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.” The boss said, “Wow, what do you have in it?” He replies, “Two cups of coffee and a coke..”

5. Why did Mfisto take 17 friends with him to a movie? Because below 18 was not allowed.

6. To lose weight the doctor told Mfisto to run 8 kms a day for 300 days. After, 300 days, he called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem. “What’s the problem?” asked the doctor. “I’m 2400 kms from home.”

 7. Having lost his donkey Mfisto got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passer-by saw him and asked, “Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for?” He replied “I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn’t riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too!”

8. Mfisto got his 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate…Mother: Motswana. Father: Motswana. Kid: Chinese.” “How come you Write ‘Chinese’ when both parents are Motswanas?” “Aah” says Mr Mfisto, “I read in a newspaper that every 4th person born on the Earth now is Chinese!”

9. Mfisto with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears. He answered, “I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang – but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.” “Oh Dear!” the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. “But what happened to your other ear?” “The fool called back!”

bye!

The welknown boxer Muhammad Ali, “used to recite poems before his fights that brashly predicted victory against his ring opponents, but boxing’s poet laureate had to overcome dyslexia as a child to learn how to read and write.”

He his a role model for world black boxer and to remember his legacy, “a new classroom collection of children’s books bearing Ali’s name is intended to help motivate and empower young students, particularly boys, to overcome a different kind of obstacle to becoming accomplished readers: disinterest. Scholastic Corp.’s “Muhammad Ali Presents Go the Distance” features books that champion Ali’s values and are aimed at socially disadvantaged students in grades 3-8 who believe neither reading nor education is relevant to their lives, says Lonnie Ali, the boxing legend’s wife.”

He is still a respected black man in the world of boxing.

By Ira Ndunda, African Press in Norway, APN

africanpress@chello.no / ndund@online.no

Source.internationalmedia

The war in Somalia is a fight for who should control the capital Mogadishu nad now that fighting has broken out, “scores of people were fleeing their homes near the southern Somali town of Baidoa on Wednesday after fighting broke out between forces of the Transitional Federal Government (TFG) and the Union of Islamic Courts (UIC), officials from both sides said.”

It has been reported that, “the fighting, which began on Tuesday, coincided with the arrival on Wednesday of the European Commissioner (EC) for Development and Humanitarian Aid, Louis Michel, who is in the country to mediate between the two sides.”

The EU envoy was leading a delegation to Baidoa, “where the TFG is based, for talks with President Abdullahi Yusuf Ahmed and Prime Minister Ali Mohamed Gedi. He later travelled to the capital, Mogadishu, for discussions with the UIC leadership.”

While Michel was in a meeting with president and prime minister, fighting erupted, “on two fronts on Wednesday – in Iidale village, 55 km south of Baidoa, and later in Buulo Jadid, 23 km north of Baidoa, according to a local resident in Buur Hakaba, 60 km north of Baidoa.”

He has confirmed that many people were fleeing the towns near the fighting area, adding, “we are seeing people arrive in Buur who fled areas close to the fighting.”

None of the fighting groups is willing to accept not to have the upper hand in the conflict. “Spokesmen for both the UIC and the TFG claimed they had an upper hand in the fighting. “I confirm to you that fighting is going on as we speak,” Sheikh Abdulkadir Ali, the UIC Vice-Chairman, told IRIN on Wednesday. “Our forces were attacked by a combined force.”

The government in transition is saying they are not getting help from Ethiopia. “The TFG deputy defence minister, Salad Ali Jelle, said: “We are fighting on two fronts [south and north of Baidoa]. It is now an open war and our forces have been given orders to attack on all fronts.” He blamed the UIC for starting the fighting.”

The parties are unwilling to confirm loses. “Neither the UIC nor the TFG gave any casualty figures but admitted the numbers of dead and wounded could be high. The UIC said it had taken control of the strategic village of Daynuunay to the north of Baidoa.”

According to first hand information from a  “resident of Baidoa, who requested anonymity, said other skirmishes erupted when “two reconnaissance teams clashed”. He added: “It is now an all-out war. They are now trading heavy weapons fire,” adding that, “the heaviest fighting, he added, was taking place in Manaas, 30 km southwest of Baidoa, and in Bullo Jadid.”

Many humanitarian groups are worried of the escalation of this conflict and they, “have warned that an all-out war in Somalia would have disastrous consequences, especially when the country is facing the impact of flooding. Up to 454,500 people are estimated to have been displaced by floods countrywide, particularly in the Juba and Shabelle riverine regions, after heavy rains in September-November in Somalia and Ethiopia.”

It was through peace negotiations in the Kenya that, “The TFG was installed in late 2004 in an effort to bring peace and security to the Horn of Africa country, which has not had an effective government for 16 years. In June this year, the UIC defeated the warlords who had controlled Mogadishu since 1991, after the collapse of the regime led by Muhammad Siyad Barre. The UIC has since extended its authority to large areas in the south and central regions of the country.”

It now remains to be seen if the conflicting parties are going to listen to the EU and go to the negotiating table.

By Ira Ndunda, African Press in Norway, APN

africapress@chello.no / ndund@online.no

source.internationalmedia
 

Floods Rise Faster Than Funds for E Africa Aid
Wednesday, 20 December 2006, 11:05 am
Press Release: United Nations 
Flood Waters Rise Faster Than Funds for UN Aid to Hundreds of Thousands in East Africa

________________________
Whenever there is flooding in African countries, urgent aid is needed but, “Flood waters in East Africa are rising much faster than funding for United Nations efforts to feed some 1.5 million people whose lives are threatened by the disaster.”

Proper aid coordination will save many lives from being destroyed. “The Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs (OCHA) today voiced deep concern about growing food shortages in Somalia, yet the UN has so far received only $5 million of the $18 million it requested two weeks ago to help the victims of the worst flooding in the impoverished Horn of Africa country’s recent history.”

Due to the conflicts and power struggles in the region, many people become homeless and fearing for their lives, “Farmers had already been fleeing the Bay region due to armed conflict there, but the floods have now brought new concerns for crops as well as deteriorating sanitary conditions and heightened levels of water-borne diseases, OCHA spokesperson Elizabeth Byrs told a news briefing in Geneva.”

These incidents are tragic and causes great concerns to the population and already, “some 455,000 Somalis are receiving food by helicopter and trucks and airdrops are scheduled for the coming days, UN World Food Programme (WFP) spokesman Simon Pluess told the briefing.”

In the neighbouring country to Somali, floods is also causing havoc. “In Kenya, the rains, though more moderate now, are continuing, with 114 people reported dead and some 723,000 more affected by the flooding as of earlier this month, Ms. Byrs said. The waters are very high in the region of Lake Victoria and the Tana River basin, where 20 health centres are no longer accessible to humanitarian workers and 180,000 people need food and health aid.”

Immediate food supplies is needed in the most affected areas. “Mr. Pluess said airdrops were planned to begin in Kenya tomorrow, while aid was also being delivered to the Tana River area by heavy-lift helicopters. Over the next two weeks, WFP will seek to airdrop 950 tons in Dardar Camp to ensure food for the area after 1 January. Overall, WFP has fed 563,000 Kenyans and 100,000 Somali refugees in Kenya, 455,000 people in Somalia and 362,000 in Ethiopia.”

To emphasise the role of the UN in crisis situations, the “UN Deputy High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR) Wendy Chamberlin visited camps sheltering some 160,000 mainly Somali refugees in the Dadaab region of north-east Kenya after they fled drought and deadly factional fighting in their homeland. Tens of thousands of them have been displaced by flooding in recent weeks.”

The UN official had been to the areas before, “This is my second visit to Dadaab this year. When I came in February, you were facing drought-related problems – now you are witnessing floods,” she said while touring two of the camps over the weekend. “I am struck with the cycle of death that Somali refugees face in this camp.”

The international community should now put their efforts together in order to reduce the number of deaths if the rains continue.

By Ira Ndunda, African Press in Norway, APN

africanpress@chello.no, / ndund@online.no

source: the scoop/UN

(Jokes corner!) 

Njoroge writes:

I’m glad im Kenyan, lakini…

Only Kenyans……

1. Are engaged for 5 years or more
2. Never bother to divorce, they just separate
3. Are late to church, work, and everything else, EXCEPT when the disco is free before 9pm
4. Refer to diabetes as “SUGAR”
5. Show up at weddings, showers, graduation, birthday parties with a new outfit on with nails and hair done but no gift
6. In relation to #5, they eat like parking boys and take a plate home
7. Consider “clubbing” or “henging” as a monthly expense
8. Leave bills (instead of insurance money) behind for surviving relatives
9. Borrow money for a wedding
10. Have mothers who can use curse words and religion ALL IN ONE SENTENCE e.g. “Lord, give me strength because  I’m about to knock the hell out of this child
11. Spend the car insurance money on everything EXCEPT getting the dent fixed.
12. Invite co-workers and all their friends to their child’s 1st birthday party which happens to have a professional DJ with only about 3 kids (including the child) in attendance. And then expect the guests to “changa” for the bash.
13. Start every sentences with “Me I…” e.g. ME I donno why you are saying that I always say “Me I”.
14. Say “Spend” when they are staying the night elsewhere from home, e.g. “Are you going to spend at her place?”
15. Put in iron rods in all windows and main doors….referring to themas “Burglar proof”
16. Use “Ngai” as an exclamation mark e.g. “Ngai, what are you doing?”
17. Believe “Ati” is an English word for “What?”
18. Think it is cool to drink and drive and get away with it “I don’t know how I got home that day… the way I was soo drunk!”
19. Think all their economic and social problems are caused by “Moi” when in fact some have never been to school.
20. Pack up all their earthly goods to go to “shaggs” for a week in December, only to pack them all back again after one week and return to “Tao”
21. Call travelling “flying out” e.g. She flew out (no one seems to wonder where all these Kenyans fly to)
22. Think that taking clerical job in a company is better and “cooler” than toiling in their parents’ family business.
23. Prefer washing cars and dishes in USA to toiling in their 20-acre tea farms in Kenya.
24. Call their homes “at ours”. e.g., “At ours, we eat Githeri every day.
25. Complain for five years about poor governance and corruption then vote in the same clowns back to parliament.
26. Have a chief Justice who has no law degree!
27. Go on strike for one day and expect the gvt. to resign!
28. Sit back in their homes and expect their MP to “brins Development”
29. Refuse to insure against anything and expect you to bankroll them when calamity strikes…. thro’ Harambee.
30. Sit calmly and sometimes cheer as a mad man drives them in a ramshackle at breakneck speed to certain death.
31. Drive with their windows  wound up when they get to city centre because of 4-year-old brats armed with human feaces, and still claim to be free people!

Sounds so true, eh? I hope you are still Kenyan by All standards! Me, I am Kenyan Damu, but do I say!!

 ___________________

We welcome your jokes. Share with others!

Editorial:

(Send in jokes to entertain our readers!)

<The group were sentenced to death in 1999. They are now waiting for their appeal which is in the Supreme Court. 

Libyans have said no to international pressure, to release five Bulgarian nurses and a Palestinian doctor, sentenced to death for having infected Libyan children with HIV.

They were sentenced by a Tripoli court for having given hundreds of Libyan children HIV knowingly.

The sentences has caused uproar internationally, while academicians argue that, “the guilty verdicts run counter to scientific evidence. But Libya’s foreign minister said it was now up to Libya’s Supreme Court.”

< Muammar al-Gaddafi!  

The minister says pressure from any corners will 

not be entertained, adding that , “No-one can intervene in our justice – no-one. Even our leader, Colonel Gaddafi, can’t intervene. That should be quite clear.”

It now remains to be seen whether there will be change of heart in the Libyan Supreme Court.

By Korir, African Press in Norway, APN

africanpress@chello.no

source.bbc

APN has conducted it’s own polls. Here below is the verdict from our readers world-wide:

Which ODM-K leader can unite Kenyans if elected President:

1. Kalonzo Musyoka  60% votes
2. Uhuru Kenyatta 15% votes
3. Mudavadi   9% votes
4. Dr Julia Ojiambo 7% votes
5. Raila Odinga 5% votes
6. William Ruto  3% votes
7. Najib Balala  1% votes

The results above is amazing, because leaders who we expected to score the highest, seems to be popular only in the media, and not with the people when serious things are discussed. Unity among people of different tribes in a country like Kenya is very important.

Kalonzo Musyoka wants to be the next president of Kenya.

Electing a president is the people’s prerogative and a leader must merit the top seat. Is Kalonzo qualified for president? This is not for APN to judge, but going by the people’s wishes, it is clear the man stands a chance to beat president Kibaki if he stands alone as the opposition candidate.

But all is not well in the opposition! ODM-K leaders are not able to unite behind one candidate. The simple reason being the urge for power and self kingmaker-ship!

The best unifying candidate the opposition should choose if they want to change the government of the day is to unite behind Kalonzo.

He is one man that is not controversial like the other ODM-K presidential hopefuls.

For one, Raila Odinga should not be the torch bearer for the opposition. He is not a unifying factor for the opposition according to our readers. Although people are seen as charismatic politician, it does necessarily mean they are leaders that can lead a country peacefully.

Kenyans should examine their politicians before electing them.

APN has spoken to many Kenyan in Scandinavia who think Raila Odinga should not become Kenya’s president. When asked to elaborate, they keep saying Mr Odinga has travelled t many countries speaking ill of Kenya, the same country that he wants to lead.

Others that APN has spoken to are not willing to have a leader who has accepting having been involved in the attempted coup of 1982, an involvement not clear to Kenyans.

Many Kenyans died during the attempt to overthrow former president Moi. This is an indication that some politicians can do anything, just to achieve their own personal ambitions.

Kalonzo told the Kenya media recently that Narc party was born in his hotel room. That is where leaders agreed to field Kibaki as the only opposition presidential candidate.

He has also revealed that Raila Odinga public announced Kibaki as the only man for president, with his famous “Kibaki Tosha”, a betrayal to the other leaders because they had all agreed to keep it as a secret for some time.

Raila Odinga and other Liberal Democratic party leaders who joined Kibaki in the government started making noise because they were not satisfied with the power Kibaki had given them.

Then there was this thing they all kept secret from the voters, called MoU – Memorandum of Understanding or rightly called – “MoU = Men of Unity”, secret unity agreement that failed all of them, forcing LDP hardliners to be send home parking, loosing all the benefits like security detail and huge chauffeured vehicles with twinkling flags when speeding to their constituencies on weekends.

The MoU we are told was secret, but now Kalonzo has told us that he was to become a vice president and Raila Odinga, a Prime Minister.

We understand why Kibaki chose to ignore the “Men of Unity” declaration! Who would not have done the same, when you know a prime minister position is very powerful, and can easily overshadow you as the president!

Imagine Kibaki as President and Raila as Prime Minister! That would not work. Kibaki is a quiet man and does his things without scandalising the situation. His job would have been to use all his time correcting his Prime Minister, instead of running the country, and giving Kenyans the leadership they deserve.

The other ODM-K leaders who have declared candidacy for President, are not yet ready to handle matters of state. They need political maturity before they start thinking to find the route to State House!

Kalonzo managed the position as Kenya’s Minister of foreign affairs very well, and made Kenya respected internationally. He will, if the Kenyan people were to choose him, be able to strengthen Kenya’s image abroad.

It depends, of course, what type of leaders he puts in his government. The important thing now is not to have another “Men of Unity” deal with anybody, because such deals if not honoured drowns the political boat.

By Korir, African Press in Norway, APN

africanpress@chello.no

The Islamists of Somalia has in the past few days engaged the Somali interim government in heavy fighting. The Interim government is said to enjoy military support from Ethiopia.

Now the EU envoy to the region has announced that the parties have now agreed to sit down and talk in an effort to find a solution to the problem.

<EU envoy in Somalia to push for talks.

Mr Michel has put pressure on the parties in order to force them to the negotiating table. However, it seems the pressure will give temporary solution. As he announced the agreement for talks, the fighting was still going on close to the interim government’s headquarters in Baidoa.

BBC reports that, “after meeting representatives from each side, envoy Louis Michel said both were committed to re-starting talks without conditions and had agreed a ceasefire.”

The war is tragic and has cost hundreds of lives, sending others fleeing to neighbouring countries.

It now remains to be seen whether the parties are serious and committed to find a lasting solution.

By Korir, African Press in Norway, APN

africanpress@chello.no

source.bbc