Jokes corner: Iam glad im Kenyan, lakini…. writes Njoroge!
Posted by African Press International on December 21, 2006
I’m glad im Kenyan, lakini…
- Are engaged for 5 years or more
- Never bother to divorce, they just separate
- Are late to church, work, and everything else, EXCEPT when the disco is free before 9pm
- Refer to diabetes as “SUGAR”
- Show up at weddings, showers, graduation, birthday parties with a new outfit on with nails and hair done but no gift
- In relation to #5, they eat like parking boys and take a plate home
- Consider “clubbing” or “henging” as a monthly expense
- Leave bills (instead of insurance money) behind for surviving relatives
- Borrow money for a wedding
- Have mothers who can use curse words and religion ALL IN ONE SENTENCE e.g. “Lord, give me strength because I’m about to knock the hell out of this child
- Spend the car insurance money on everything EXCEPT getting the dent fixed.
- Invite co-workers and all their friends to their child’s 1st birthday party which happens to have a professional DJ with only about 3 kids (including the child) in attendance. And then expect the guests to “changa” for the bash.
- Start every sentences with “Me I…” e.g. ME I donno why you are saying that I always say “Me I”.
- Say “Spend” when they are staying the night elsewhere from home, e.g. “Are you going to spend at her place?”
- Put in iron rods in all windows and main doors….referring to themas “Burglar proof”
- Use “Ngai” as an exclamation mark e.g. “Ngai, what are you doing?”
- Believe “Ati” is an English word for “What?”
- Think it is cool to drink and drive and get away with it “I don’t know how I got home that day… the way I was soo drunk!”
- Think all their economic and social problems are caused by “Moi” when in fact some have never been to school.
- Pack up all their earthly goods to go to “shaggs” for a week in December, only to pack them all back again after one week and return to “Tao”
- Call travelling “flying out” e.g. She flew out (no one seems to wonder where all these Kenyans fly to)
- Think that taking clerical job in a company is better and “cooler” than toiling in their parents’ family business.
- Prefer washing cars and dishes in USA to toiling in their 20-acre tea farms in Kenya.
- Call their homes “at ours”. e.g., “At ours, we eat Githeri every day.
- Complain for five years about poor governance and corruption then vote in the same clowns back to parliament.
- Have a chief Justice who has no law degree!
- Go on strike for one day and expect the gvt. to resign!
- Sit back in their homes and expect their MP to “brins Development”
- Refuse to insure against anything and expect you to bankroll them when calamity strikes…. thro’ Harambee.
- Sit calmly and sometimes cheer as a mad man drives them in a ramshackle at breakneck speed to certain death.
- Drive with their windows wound up when they get to city centre because of 4-year-old brats armed with human feaces, and still claim to be free people!
Sounds so true, eh? I hope you are still Kenyan by All standards! Me, I am Kenyan Damu, but do I say!!
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