<By Mohan Mathew, Bengalore-India
Kenya Politics; I am reacting to this article: “Ruto’s achievements in just one day can fill newspapers and news bulletins for years; Writes Clay Muganda
Ruto launched his latest outfit, United Republican Party the other day with a lot of fanfare. He and other hand-picked top leaders rolled out their vision for a prosperous Kenya. The manifesto that will deal with all the relevant issues will be out very soon.
“My government will………………….!!!!”. The words are those usually preceding a policy statement or the state of the nation address by a sitting president. If Ruto used them in good faith, then he was not joking about his presidential ambitions. With those words, he has also dispelled the prospect of a mundane democratic election by secret ballot or acclamation, to nominate URP’s presidential candidate. Ruto is the candidate; Ruto is the president. Period.
More than Ruto clinching the quarry from the apparently tenacious and determined old foxes, Raila, ‘Viper’, Saitoti, et al, what gives me solace is his dream team destined to lead us to the promised land in the next five years. The first welcome cool breeze since independence!
The top leadership layer that matters is composed of Zipapa and Jirongo. Zipapa will be Ruto’s running mate, a gentleman who is revered around the coast, and admired and respected all over Kenya, and globally. He is so genial that he is never given to fits of anger or the use of expletives unlike some of our uncouth leaders. He is rather a fatherly figure, and can counsel Ruto where he tends to digress from the declared party policies or the manifesto due to pressure of work or stress. When Ruto is overseas, a very regular occurrence by the look of things., Zipapa can take care of the functions of the state for them to go on smoothly. He will also be an asset in interacting and forging close partnership with foreign envoys.
But Jirongo is be star catch. Kenya will be a land of flowing milk and honey with all ministries coming under him as the majority leader. Budget deficits will be a thing of the past. The mere left-overs from YK-92 will be enough to finance the 1st budget of the Ruto government 100%, and at least for the first year there will be a blanket tax waiver for all Kenyans. In the meantime, he finds other avenues to keep the country tax-free for the next four years, and hopefully beyond.
I am pretty sure the other presidential contenders are now raking their brains to come up with something that can counter the seemingly impregnable popular ace card, The Family Values. No one will have more than one wife, and keeping concubines will result in naming and shaming. No ‘come-we-stay’ either. In less than 100 days, the URP instilled family values in each family will cause a phenomenal chain reaction cleansing and making each village and county morally upright. Leaders will act as role models by dropping all but one wife. Youngsters will have no choice, but to stick to one girl-friend or boy-friend and are to interact only during day time. This means no unplanned pregnancies and few back street abortions!
Aids prevalence will drop drastically as years go by, because there will be no prostitutes or gays who can ply their trades. Under the watchful eyes of the trio’s Morality Enforcement Squad, these two oldest professions will breathe their last.
The URP invented medical insurance programme will force the private hospitals that have been exploiting the common man close shop, and move to Somalia, Zimbabwe, etc. No single cent will be chargeable for any treatment – from headaches to heart or kidney transplants!
The Youth Marshall Plan to create millions (yet to decide how many millions) of jobs per year will however be modeled on Kibaki’s 500,000 jobs per year, but will be much more streamlined for easy execution. No more idle youth sitting at trading centres ogling at the boobs and butts of girls and women passing by!
Corruption, I beg your pardon – a slip of the tongue, the Anti-Corruption Crusade ( ACC) team will be headed by Jirongo himself. There is concurrence on that issue because Ruto sees none among his top team members who can authoritatively speak and do anything about the dreaded malice. Detractors may say it’s sending a thief to catch a thief. For URP the end justifies the means. For the first time since independence, Kenya will have a formulated foreign policy, in the absence of which the country had become a laughing-stock nationally and internationally. Zipapa will be in charge of this Herculean task.
The railway! Yes, the dream project of the URP government! Didn’t our friend Museveni say the Kenya-Uganda railway of today belongs to the 18th century, and it must be moved to a museum? The URP govt will even eat grass to make a standard gauge Kenya-Uganda rail line a reality. In two years, that’s before 31-12-2014, it will be there.
The Indians who built the present one for the British is staking their claim saying that they have the largest railway network and the best expertise in the world, and would be honoured to rebuild the present one on a turn-key basis, at a very low-cost. The Chinese on their part are negotiating for the contract on condition that the old engines, bogeys, and the lines themselves can be traded in, and they would deliver a spanking new system cheap. To avoid delay, the president will be the sole authority to award the contract. Both have intimated their willingness to contribute ‘something small’ for a project of His Excellency’s choice. So the work may be split into two sectors, MSA to ELD and ELD to Kampala, each given one sector.
Food and other essential commodities will be subsidized to the extent that even those who earn less than a dollar a day won’t have to skip breakfast, lunch or supper. Imported food will be sold duty-free to vulnerable groups.
Does Kenya need anything more to stand and walk tall among the world nations beginning 2013?
We pray, “Thy Kingdom Come”, Your Excellency William arap Samoe Ruto!.